WASPS
Ask me how I know.
I’ll tell you anyway.
2 am this morning I’m awoken by Himself leaping out of bed yelling.
“what?!” I say
“F*ck” he says “I think I’ve been stung by something!”
Foolishly I flick on the light. Immediately the sound of buzzing fills the air and about 20 wasps zoom in. We beat a hasty retreat to the landing shutting the door behind us.
We take a few deep breaths and I look at the lumps coming up on the back of Himself. I prod one.
“Owwwwwwww” He yells, “that really hurt!”
“Not as much as a 6 inch nail” I say.
Being brave and foolish, as we already know, I open the bedroom door a crack and look towards the spot on the ceiling where the noise of the last few days has been emanating. There’s a fingertip sized hole there now and wasps are coming through at a regular rate.
We think that they’re being drawn to the light (although what the first lot were doing stinging unsuspecting harmless sleepers in the dark I’d like to know) so we turn it off and feel even worse so we turn it back on again.
Still being brave and foolish, and as Himself is injured and being F’n’P, I fetch some masking tape and faster than the speed of a diving wasp I tape up the hole. Flushed with the success of my mission I open the window so the current enclave can depart at dawn and we retire to the spare room.
So this morning we gingerly open the door. The fingertip sized hole is now fist sized.
BASTARDS
All that in 4 hours!
(It’s Vicus’ fault he’s the one who said they’d be in to eat us)
We (for we read me, I’m being generous) get a piece of card and prime it with tape on all sides, whiz in and stick it over the hole. God I’m such a heroine – I should get a medal. All this with a gammy leg too.
Anyway it seems to be holding them for the minute. And that’s probably how long we’ve got, minutes. So here I am waiting until I can ‘phone every Pest Controller (like I should have done on Saturday) in the book and beg them to save me TODAY. I’ve phoned my boss and told him the sorry tale and why I won't be in first thing if at all. When I got to the bit with Himself screaming, a voice from the bathroom said it was yelling in pain not screaming like a girl – but I was there people and I can tell you who was brave and who wasn’t.
12 comments:
Told you, told you, told you.
It'll be the bloodsucking cockroaches coming up through the floor next.
And for God's sake don't open that tub in the fridge that has been there since Christmas 2004, you know, the one that you keep meaning to check.
The fact that you posted a photo of your own stigmata like nail injury but not your husband's wasp sting makes me shiver to think where the poor chap was stung ziggi
Wasps are very nasty things. But then, I think you realise that.
I've been attacked a few times when accidentally disturbing their nests whilst gardening.
Leave it to the experts. Get Vicus in to sort them out.
It's well-known that once the wasps have finished with the nest they won't return to the same site, so all you have to do is sleep in the spare bedroom until the autumn and there you go, problem solved. Dunno what it is with some people.
Are you sure it wasn't all just a nightmare? It's amazing that wasps could do all of this.
Hopefully the exterminators can get in there today and get rid of this scourge.
Then you'll have to call in some carpenter ants to rebuild your ceiling, I guess.
Good luck with it.
I remember the good old days when everybody in my neighbourhood was a WASP and thank bloody..oops..wrong blog...
In order to eradicate your wasps the exterminator is going to unroll a giant prophylactic over your entire house and then squeeze in some leftover chemical coctail from the First World War that kills everything but Germans. Which explains why there is still so much left.
The halflife of this concoction is about 50 years so you two will be sleeping in matching twin iron lungs for the rest of your life.
It will be worth it.
I HATE insects (except dragonflys and butterflies) so much that I would gladly reduce the entire planet to cinders in order to get rid of them once and for all!
Muwahahah!
Wounds caused by six inch nails? Wasp nests? Are you sure there isn't a biblical curse on you? It'll be a plague of boils next ...
I misread Vicus's comment and had quite a turn!
Wasps are evil, evil, evil. They must be eradicated.
Just keep em away from the neddies.
Brave Ziggi!
holy s---! ziggi, you both are heros of the month. this is a gross story. who knew wasps had muscles?
an apology
You see I left a comment here on my blog (I thought) to say that the pesty pest controller had been, albeit 24 hours late, and the wasps were dead and dying and I hoped they were suffering. I then went on to say to Sid Vicus that it was only a Xmas pudding and nothing to be alarmed about - and now that comment has gone.
I think I may have inadvertently left it lying around on someone else's blog by mistake - oooops - sorreeeee - it's my age/hormones/gender/lack of therapist/insomnia pick any or all of the excuses, just forgive me please!
ziggi, the wasps got me today!
i feel your pain.
:)
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