ode to getting older (and nothing to do with Tim's post at all, honest)

When the lure of the National Trust

Invades my tired mind

And I think

That sounds nice

A visit to that old heap

And wonder and wander

Amongst the refurbished face of history

Then I know

It’s time 

To say

Good

bye

Lord I must make an appointment for a blue rinse.

ode to not getting old

It has become less* important to me what age I achieve before I die. What has become more important is ensuring that the life I am leading now is the one that I want. And that I live it in the here and now.

The past is gone, so in many ways it doesn't matter how much went before.  And none of us can really know how much is left ahead. Although I concede, some of us have a better idea than others.  Which is a tad unfortunate if it’s not the 50 years you were banking on.

But it can also be a gift, of  sorts; a useful present that you didn't want, but actually turns out to be just the thing you needed. It certainly focusses the mind.

So gone are the long term plans and the working today to live tomorrow. Roll up! Roll up! Living is happening here today.

But it’s a quiet sort of normality of living, not a bucket list of wild and exotic locations, tattoos, body piercings and swimming with dolphins, although ... thinks ... would quite like to do that: more a contentment in the circumstances I find myself, in enjoying what I can still do, while I still can do, instead of bemoaning the fact I won’t be able so to do do do  (de da da da is all I want to say to you). 

Pleasure in small measures if you will, or not so small if that’s champagne you’re pouring ... 

This isn’t easy for me though. I had the sort of mind that was always looking ahead. It was never on what I was doing, but on what I’d be doing next. I always seemed to be waiting for something to finish and something to start . . . ad infinitum. 

And while I was doing that I was also regretting a great deal of what went before even though, here’s the thing, that can’t be changed.

So I’m trying not to do that anymore. I’m feeling the mud beneath my feet and the rain upon my head and appreciating it. And I’m trying not to regret the things I won’t have (like grandchildren) because there’s no guarantee of those either.

But hang it all, I’m not that good, so I’m also buying a brand new car (comes Friday) and taking my girls on a 3 week trip to Canada in the summer!  Yippeeee

*less not un