I’m quite a fan of this season of mists and mellow fruitfulness but why does it mean those great big, BIG spiders have to come inside of a morning and sit in the bath? Do they live somewhere grubby the rest of the year? Don’t they know they can’t swim? And how do they get in there? I can’t believe they climb in through the plug hole or overflow any more than I believe a swan will break your arm. Why would they be in the pipe work anyway? Don’t they eat flies?
They make me jump every time. Even when I’m edging my way round the bathroom door especially to see if there’s one in there, expecting to see one, they give me a shock. They most definitely have more legs than are strictly necessary, and they insist on moving them in that jerky, scuttling sort of way. I’m not brave about them. Not one little bit. I can’t catch them, squash them, even go within 6 feet of them, except by mistake. Unfortunately this means I have to call for assistance. Himself isn’t that brave either but he is a man and therefore keen to appear so. That makes it his job to Deal With Spiders. Now once spotted I have to keep them in sight in case they should scuttle off and hide somewhere unknown. So I have to stay riveted to the spot, peering through my fingers and shout. Sometimes I have to shout more than once. Sometimes I have to shout and shout and SHOUT. And sometimes I have to ring my next door neighbour.
This time of year I’m nearly always late for work.
11 comments:
They are out looking for mates at this time of year. You can bet your bottom dollar that the big hairy brute you find in the bottom of your tub has been out half the night sniffing the skirts of lady spiders and dropped into the bath for a quick pint to quench his resulting thirst.
During the rest of the year, they can climb out before anyone is up so you never know they've been there, but given his knee-trembling activities, he doesn't have the strength left to haul himself out. The only thing to do is turn the tap on very very hot and hard for at least 10 minutes and then plunge the plug in before he has time to unfurl himself and come to get you. It pays to weight the plug down with a heavy bottle of shampoo or a brick as some spiders have been known to prize plugs out of plugholes ( but only those that didn't get lucky so still have some inner strength).
You really should see this one coming . . . .
Of course they would be in a bathtub. They're webfooted.
So Ziggi, just turn off your mind and get in there and pick him up and carry him downstairs and carefully let him go in the garden.
That's how blokes do it.
And Cherry, that has got to be bollocks - quality bollocks but bollocks nevertheless - it is isn't it.
FE, groan.
Ziggi, you made me laugh with that post. I am not afraid of spiders, in fact I kind of like them (except the poisonous ones). But I know how you feel because here in So Flo we have Palmetto Bugs which is another name for "Insanely huge hairy FLYING cockroaches." When it's the rainy season (now) they are everywhere, no one knows how they get in. YUCK!!!!!
CP – what ever it is you do at work you are obviously wasted! That’s the best and funniest bit of bullshit I’ve read since reading Tom’s blog.
FE - ouch, your jokes are painful!
Tom - my mind doesn't have an on switch let alone an off - they are repatriated into the garden, so perhaps I only have the one that is a very slow learner - or if CP is to be believed has a girlfriend down the plughole - bastard
Carmy - those bugs sound horrible but somehow beetley things don't have the same affect on me - not that I could say I like them but spiders actually frighten me - I quite like snakes tho
Did you have to put a picture? Now I'm scared to visit your blog, n case I see it.
aversion therapy Dave
not working for me either - I'm too scared to visit as well
there isn't one in there this morning! So where is the begger . . .
Beeeehiiiind Yoooouuu!
The bit about mating season was true. I think. I'm sure I read it somewhere or someone said. oh! Bugger! Rumbled.
There definitley was not one in there this morning when I filled the bath, but once submerged I noticed one struggling up through the bubbles!!! You cannot imagine the panic, the flying bubbles the shock on the faces of the passing dog walkers as I fled screaming around the house trying to rouse anyone braver than me whilst wearing only Radox Anti-Stress to cover my considerable modesty!
Brilliant.
I love entomologist Cherry Pie's explanation, which is far more illuminating and creative than the truth.
Of course the spiders venture in (they may well be looking for mates) and then slip down into the porcelain tub and cannot climb out.
They're waiting for you (or hubby guy) to rescue them and to set them free.
They'll climb right on to your hand. Then they can go on and continue doing what CP said.
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