the law's an ass?

before you start I can't find my glasses so I can't see what I'm typing.  I'm just waiting you see, for my friend to collect me and take me to Court. Crown Court.  I've never been in one before but I'm there to today to see my soon to be very ex husband become an actual very ex husband.  It's all very complicated and messy and I won't go into all that, but he was very keen to tell me how very difficult the last 6 months have been for him.  I didn't like to mention what a great time I've been having. I doubt actually that anything will be resolved today, the final hearing is next month and I'm sure it will go to that. It hangs over me. but only like one of the many axes tipped to fall on my neck if I move in the wrong direction.  I've never been bright enough to play chess well, but by golly I feel like a pawn just now. Perhaps I should try upping my game and be the Queen - is she the one that wins? I always liked the horsey one best, but it moved in mysterious ways.

Ozzie Di came to see me yesterday. If I was clever I could link her blog but I'm not and I can't see anyway.  She was cold and wet and I had to lend her some wellies so we could go for a walk in the mud. It was fantastic to see her even slightly damp, we ajourned to the pub out of the rain and had lunch and wine and then went to the bluebell wood to look at the damp and not quite out bluebells. It wasn't all bad though because we met a dog called Annie with 3 legs which was interesting. Di (being Australian) remarked to the owner that she seemed to be missing 25% of her dog but this is Wiltshire so it went way. way over the head of said owner who replied "thas as maybe but she's only got 3 legs you know". I patted the three legged dog and the ownerd patted Bertie and Bailey and remarked on the squelshieness of the ground that Di was slowly sinking in so I took her home for another glass of wine (Di not the 3 legged dog and owner, but I will look out for them in future - my wavelength I think).

Di went back on the train to London in the rain, she promised she'd bring sunshine but she's saving that for when she returns next month after my op. It's going to be a sunny May, Di says so.

Is that the time? Boo, still 1/2 hour to go. When I saw my doc last week she advised me to go looking like death, in fact she said, go how you're looking today.  I don't know whether reapers are allowed in Court, but I have put my little Swiss Army knife in my bag as a substitute.  I will wear my long black raincoat with hood too.  Although I fancied I looked more like the Black Widow (off the adverts) than the Grim Reaper but who am I to argue with medical opinion, they have got me this far.

It's a tricky one though isn't it?  Dress up, dress down, go in my pjs, glam it up and wear my wig (ugh), don't wear it and look like a demented poodle - will this encourage sympathy from the judge?  And what is it with chemo hair eh?  Why has it grown back curly and dark (not counting the grey bits boo hoo) - it's a very annoying length of about an inch and it looks like a fright wig. Well it frightens me when I look in the mirror, I don't look like my mother, I look like my grandmother.  And I tell you something else, which is probably too much information, but what the hell I'm on a roll here, other hair, that was curly is now straight! I don't think it's changed places (oh please god no no no and everyone is being too polite and not telling me? aaaarrrgh) because the hair on my head is very soft and babylike, but as I said, poodle.

Anyway, I think I will just have a walk around and panic a bit more and then decide to change and look more formal and then change back into my jeans but a smart jacket then a hoody then a long frock which might drag in a puddle so long boots but they need a clean so short boots and smart trousers that need ironing so ...

18:23 UPDATE

It was shite, it couldn't have been any fucking shiter and the final hearing has been put off until October because apparently I'm ill and can't decide for myself whether I'm up to another court hearing or not.

Is the law an ass? It's a fucking imbicile.

Forgive me while I just murder someone.

more the merrier

"there seems to be something in my bed..."

yes!

meet Bailey

not dead yet

no not a bit of it, despite the fact that I shouldn't still be here, not only am I here, but I think getting better.  My doctors are kean to point out ad nusaeum that there is no cure but I'm off to be debulked shortly. This means that Mr M my surgeon is popping inside and leaving with everything he can take that I don't need anymore.  After that I have a bit more chemo to suffer through and then with luck and a fair wind I should be cancer free, at least for a while, and a long while with more luck.

Lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Thank you mistress Luck!*

*and of course all those who had faith in me, sat with me, visited me, contacted me, sent me words of hope and succour, were there for me and never gave up xxx

Cancer 1 : Zig 0

As you can see I've stolen the heading from dear Kaz because there's no easy way to tell people and everyone has their problems - they're mostly just different.

I have ovarian cancer which I didn't discover until it was really quite advanced and inoperable - just thought I'd become plump! It wasn't until I couldn't breath properly because the tumour was restricting lungs (but not in them thank goodness) that I went to the GP, from the scan it was about 30cm! Bastard, I gave up chocolate for nothing!  Of course backache is also a classic symptom but who'd have thought that with my history?

They cover the chemo with a blue bag - I have no idea why!

I've had 2 lots of chemo - I reacted badly to the first lot and ended up within the hallowed walls of SDH via a midnight ambulance which wasn't as exciting as I'd imagined but they did have some jolly nice drugs on board. This put off the second (diff) chemo for a couple of weeks while I languished about trying to get stronger.  I had the 2nd chemo last Thursday and only time will tell whether it will react badly or do the biz - I feel reasonably alive and the tumour has definitely shrunk a little (I've lost 5 kg).  After the 3rd Chemo it may become operable, if not another round of chemo and a rethink.

Also, to add fun to the mix, I have moved out and live alone in a tiny wee witche's cottage - which has both it's ups and downs (2 staircases!).  It's a bit scary on my own coping with symptoms etc, but so much better than the life I had which turned out to be somewhat of a disappointment. That's it, 1 door 2 windows, 12 foot wide.

And in it there is:

Bertie Beans, Wiltshire Terrierist (copywrite Oz)

and Leo the pirate, Tiger and Dolce - we all just about fit.

Please forgive spelling mistakes, poor grammar and news - what can I say? I lurk about reading your fb and blogs when I can, I don't often feel up to commenting, which means, apparently I'm stalking!

It's a job :)

Linda xx

No O

Today I had an exciting medical procedure.  I had my brain, for indeed I do have one, scanned and monitored and generally investigated.

I tried desperately not to think about sex, but once I'd thought it I couldn't stop so I expect that bit of brain was active, unfortuanately much of the rest of it isn't, hence the tests.

When I had my back operation a year or so ago things became a bit exciting in there (so they tell me, I was asleep) and as a consequence it appears that I suffered hypoxia for longer than is good for a person.

This has manifested itself in a number of ways, surfice to say things are trickier now and not so amusing. It's a damn nuisance to a person that liked to laugh, and also, on special occassions,  to think.

SO tell us a joke please!