a little name frustration

I'm having trouble with the bank.

I called in with my shiny new marriage certificate to change my name on our account.

I filled in the form myself in my bestest neatest handwriting and they dually photocopied the certificate and signed it to say they'd seen (and held and admired) the original.

I signed my old signature and my new signature and I skip out of the bank secure in the knowledge that all was well and the account would be amended.

A few days later I received new cards in the name of someone I've never heard of but who had a spookily similar, but not exactly the same, name as me and Himself. It started with the wrong letter and had lost one in the middle, close I admit, but no cigar.

I phoned the ubiquitous irritating 0845 number and told them they had made a little (sic) error and please could they put it right.

"You have to call in at the branch with your marriage certificate and fill in our form" I was told.

"Yes I've done that already" I said "but YOU have made an error in spelling my name which is a bit of a surprise as you had the form completed by me with the correct name on, the marriage certificate with the correct name on, and Himself's name on the account already"

"You have to call in at the branch with your marriage certificate and fill in our form" I was told.

So I did that again and I explained to the nice lady that I was a bit put out by this and could she please ensure it was done correctly this time PLEASE. She assured me she would see to it her very self. And like a fool I believed her. HA! HA! HA! HA!

The next week I received a cheque book, the front had the original miss spelling but inside it was different again! I girded my loins and phoned again.

"You have to call in at the branch with your marriage certificate and fill in our form" I was told.

"If I have to call at the branch again" I said "It will be to close the account"

"Oh dear" said the nice Indian or was it Scottish gent "I will pass this to my supervisor and they will get back to you in 3 hours"

Did they? - not a chance.

So time passed and I checked on line to see if things had changed and they hadn't, so I wrote a letter asking politely (ish) if they would spell my name correctly. It says on their website they will reply within 5 days so when a week had passed, today, I phoned again.

You're absolutely right I have nothing better to do with my time than get my knickers in a twist with the bank.

"Hello" I said "That's not me" I said, because they're very polite and always call you by your name even if they have it wrong and then they call you by the wrong name.
"I'm Mrs Himself" I said, and I explained all of the above.

Then surprisingly the man on the other end of the phone said "I'll put you through to your branch" Amazing!

"Hello my branch" I said and explained it all again.

"You have to call in at the branch with your marriage certificate and fill in our form" I was told.

"no no no no no no no no no no no you've got 2 bloody copies" I said "Send the balance to the Nat West" I said.

Mandy, for that was the branch's name disappeared and left me on hold for 5 minutes (felt like an hour and I was already composing my next letter).

"Hello Mrs Himself" she said, "I'm just changing that now, sorry about that"

If it was that fecking easy why couldn't they have done that in the first place?!

(Course, I don't know yet if she actually has)

LloydsTSB - Reg, send them to Grantham!