id ~ the set of uncoordinated instinctual trends

How do you prove you are really you when you are online?

I recently, as recently as Friday, bought an item from eBay.  This is not a common occurrence, it's not my favourite shopping site, I find the whole thing makes me weary and usually, when I want to buy something, I want to buy it right there and then.  Anyway this particular item was 'buy it now', so I did.

 I don't have a paypal account so I paid with my credit card and this somehow went via paypal nevertheless.  Paypal then asked me if I'd like this to be my paypal account, this being a much safer way to shop than just with a credit card (is it?). As many things have paypal now,  I thought why not? And pressed the little yes ok if you insist button.  I was a bit surprised to be presented with an account which had my first name down as the first half of my surname, and my surname as the same first half of my surname.  Jon Jon so to speak. Although in this case it was actually Ray Ray. Interesting I thought, because that is not how I had filled out my details when I'd paid.

But no worries there's a little place on paypal where you can change your details so I added the missing bits and hey ho - rejected.  Proof was required of my name.  All manner of suitable proof was acceptable so I uploaded a copy of my photo id driving licence cos, smart thinking on my part I thought, it also had my address on it.

Just now I had a delightful little missive from paypal saying that the account was so much of a risk they were limiting it until I could provide copies of my credit card and bank statement to prove my id, then they would close it. Gee thanks.

So I rang them and I asked what can possibly be the problem?  Apparently they were worried that Ray Ray and me are not one the same person! Shocking!   Ray Ray, could be impersonating me and using my credit card fraudulently.  Indeed I said in my Ray Ray voice, I could, but isn't it good that all the things I've bought I've sent to Mrs Ziggi at her address instead of defrauding her? And as I'm so cleverly living in her house with her credit card I might just have access to her bank and credit card statement too, couldn't I? How will sending you all these things prove I'm me not Ray Ray, who's also me and funnily enough has much of my name?

Paypal, you can't see me can you, to compare the photo id? You don't know to whom the fuck your talking do you?!  Surely, or am I missing the point, if you steal someone's identity it's to use that identity, not then to set up an account with all the details but a ridiculous name. Why would you ffs?
So to cut an extremely irritating conversation short I agreed to upload the statements so then paypal can close this suspicious account, and then with the same details I can open another one!

In your dreams paypal.